You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
