we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Fuck appropriateness.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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