how do flat chested girls get laid?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
