I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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