You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just invented taco cereal.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
