Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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