last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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