You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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