i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
