By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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