I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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