sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
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hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
