I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
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No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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