i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
