I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
