So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
