im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i believe in u and ur pee
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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