Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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