you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
