On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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