upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my being single is dangerous.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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