What did we do last night that was yellow?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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