it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
