She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
