Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm passing your future prison.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.