Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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