I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.