I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.