hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land