...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.