margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up