Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
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during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.