Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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