It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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