and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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