at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow