you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you traded sex for a burrito?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
