I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
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Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
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I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids