we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
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they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
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The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed