am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.