Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
