You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
