the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
