I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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