vagina is talking i cant
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
