I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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