Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
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dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize