I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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