Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
