I'm really into asian looking animals
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
