I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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