So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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