to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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