my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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