I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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