my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
