I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
