how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
