My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
