If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
