I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm both gender and math confused
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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