Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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