We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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