worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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