I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
