the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
