Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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