I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
