i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
