Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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