No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
