need another drink. this is the easiest way
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
