well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
