ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Holy sore nipples Batman
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
