Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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