so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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