I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
