I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My vagina is officially offended.
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