I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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