If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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