Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
