I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
