He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
