He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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