i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
