my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
