Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I AM VODKA MAN
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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