I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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