And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
