She said her name was "party"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
