The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
