: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
