before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
